Meat: in which Rhys is no longer the only person in Cardiff not to know what Torchwood is.
We begin with the man of the hour driving, singing along to a Harwood’s commercial for which he helped write the jingle. He’s very happy. This good mood is shattered when he gets a call from Ruth, his administrative assistant, who tells him that there’s been an accident on the highway just ahead of him. He pulls up to see a Harwood’s Haulage truck overturned, another car, and an ambulance whose personnel are pulling a sheet over the face of the truck’s driver. Rhys inquires for details from the police, who refuse to give them, and in turn gives some information about the driver, one Leyton Reynolds. He says he’ll arrange to move the truck, but the cop stops him and says not yet because Torchwood wants a look first. The black SUV pulls up on cue, and Rhys sees Jack first, then Gwen. Surprise!
Torchwood go into the back of the truck, which is transporting meat to an abattoire. It’s apparently pretty smelly. Jack finds enormous chunks of boneless meat; Owen’s never seen anything like it. Gwen asks what it is. Jack: Well, as there haven’t been any giant cow sightings, I suggest we take a sample back to the Hub. Gwen tells the cop that they’re confiscating the contents of the van pending further investigation while Owen saws off a chunk of meat for analysis. We see Rhys watching Gwen and the boys. As they leave, Rhys tries to follow them but is thwarted because he’s on the other side of the wreck.
Back in the medical pit, Owen has put on an eye-catching green plastic apron over his tshirt and says that there’s evidence that the meat came from a vertibrate, but that the genetics aren’t comparable with any known animal. Fast work there, Whiz Kid Owen! He says that whoever is producing the meat knows it’s dodgy since they faked a “Fit For Human Consumption” veterinary seal. Jack tells Tosh to look at the haulage firm, to find out the cargo’s source and destination. Gwen frets about it being Rhys’s new firm, and Jack asks her if she wants to recuse herself from the investigation, but she vehemently declines. The Harwood’s jingle plays from Tosh’s computer. It’s still corny. Everyone smiles into their tea. Ianto: Catchy.
Gwen gives Tosh Rhys’s direct line and she calls, posing as a cop. Rhys says that the customer is a firm called Harris and Harris; they came to Harwood’s about two months ago for a weekly contract. Ianto scribbles information madly into a notebook. Tosh: Are they licensed? Rhys: of course. Tosh: Could you give me their address? He can’t find one in the client file and glares at Ruth, who volunteers that there’s a pickup point. He doesn’t have a phone number either, and intensifies the glare. Tosh: Can you tell me where the driver took the meat? Rhys: Yes, he was taking it to Caevern Abattoire, a processing plant. The driver signed out at ten to one. Tosh hangs up on him. Ruth says that Leyton was the regular driver after the initial contact, and they set up the deliveries through him. Rhys thinks it looks like he’s hiding something. I bet there’s a stern conversation about getting all the client’s data in the files from now on.
Ianto finds the truck coming and going on CCTV. Owen calls out and informs Jack that it’s definitely alien meat. Jack: Where the hell would they get it from? It’s been in the food supply now for a couple of months. Owen says that the DNA traces (WTF? He finds whole tranqulizers but only traces of DNA?) are stable, that there’s animal tranquilizers but no disease or residue, so it’s probably good to eat. Ianto hustles up with the news that the usual pizza delivery is there: Meat Feast. Cut to Owen picking off the meat bits.
Ianto has tracked down the origin to a warehouse outside Merthyr. Jack outlines the game plan: Shut down the operation and neutralize whoever’s running it. Gwen’s cell rings; it’s Rhys. She says she’s going home to check on him. Jack: Good idea. Find out how much he knows. Gwen: That’s not what I meant. Everybody stops eating a moment.
Gwen pops into their apartment. Looks like they’ve moved after last season. She’s horribly uber-perky. He’s down, what with the accident at work, the police and all. She asks if anybody’s hurt; he tells her that the driver died. She can’t remember meeting him, whic disgusts Rhys. He sets a trap: does she know where they’ve taken the meat? Gwen: How would I know? She doesn’t do traffic. He says the cops questioned him–all he does is hire out the trucks. Gwen: So there’s nothing to worry about. She kisses him and goes back to work. He follows her back to the Hub, where Jack appears out of nowhere, offers her his arm, and they go off. Gwen asks Jack: Have you ever eaten alien meat? Jack: Yeah. Gwen: What was it like? Jack: He seemed to enjoy it. Gwen chuckles: You’re rough.
Rhys follows the SUV to the warehouse. Owen and Ianto are already there, scoping out the place. Rhys sees them. As they go around the building, Owen dodges trash and Tosh informs them she has blueprints of the building and archly asks if they’re having fun. Ianto: You don’t know what you’re missing. Frustrated, Rhys phones Gwen, who doesn’t answer. Jack tells the team to go in, stun gun whoever’s there, and put a stop to the proceedings. Rhys chooses this time to leave his vehicle at the front gate and try to get Gwen again. Jack sees him. Ianto and Owen gain access to the building when Owen shoots out the lock. Jack and Gwen watch as a Trans Am pulls up to Rhys and the occupants engage him in conversation. Gwen can’t believe it. Jack believes his eyes and/or wants to believe Rhys is a baddie and tells Ianto and Owen to stand down. Gwen says Rhys wouldn’t lie to her and charges after him. Jack catches her arm and presses her against the building, standing close. Jack: No. Gwen: I just have to get him out. Jack: What, by charging in there? What then? You gonna knock him out? Rhys goes in with the newcomers. Jack: You can’t just go in there! They’ve taken hold of each other’s arms; it’s an intimate moment. Jack, rather lamely: You have to do as I say. Realizing how dumb that sounds, he lets her go and steps back. Jack: We wait until he comes out.
Inside, Rhys is interrogated by the Bad Guys. There are a few of them, and one is marginally cuter than the others. Or perhaps it’s just that his hair is better. Otherwise they’re rather random and nondescript. Rhys has landed ass-deep in alligators. He seems to think his only way out is to lie and tell them his driver told him about the whole operation. They buy it and take him in to see the meat source: an enormous alien in obvious distress. The reason for the distress is clear: they’re harvesting the meat from the live animal because it just keeps growing. Rhys chucks up his lunch. Cute Bad Guy: You get used to it.
Outside, Jack and Gwen see Rhys shaking hands with the baddies before walking off. They leave too. And they didn’t shut down the operation here why?
At the apartment, Rhys is having a drink and spoiling for a fight. Gwen comes in and demands to know what he was doing at the warehouse. Rhys: You lied to me! Ah, if you only knew how much, how often, and about what. The conversation really goes downhill when Rhys asks Gwen if she’s doing Jack. The fight is on. It kind of ends when Gwen tells Rhys that she hunts aliens for a living. Rhys: Prove it!
At the Hub, Ianto: Well, this is unprecedented. Fiance finding out. Tosh: That’s because we’re all sad and single. Ianto smirks. Owen: Speak for yourself. I am better off without all that kind of hassle. Tosh is quite disappointed but rallies: Maybe the answer is to go out with someone who knows what you do. Owen: Look around you, Tosh. Only we know what we do. He scoots his chair over to a work station. Smackdown! This time his indifference has quashed her; Tosh takes a big gulp of white wine. Ianto and Jack exchange a look. Ianto looks down and drinks.
Gwen and Rhys arrive outside the Hub and take the lift down. Rhys sees the enormous cavern, the sewer-chic decor, and Myfanwy, and laughs. When the lift stops, Jack takes control: Captain Jack Harkness (shakes hands). Thanks for dropping in, Rhys. Gwen introduces the others; Owen and Tosh wave, Ianto smiles. Everybody’s uneasy. As an explanation, Owen blandly smiles and offers: There’s a rift through space and time that runs through Cardiff, Rhys, and stuff slips through from other timelines and planets, and it’s our job to monitor it. Somehow he gets through that without being condescending. He smiles. Rhys to Gwen: Are you sure they’re not a weird cult or something? Best line of the episode.
Rhys recounts what he saw of the warehouse and the alien, saying that the animal was smaller when it was found because it’s growing a lot. Jack (sharply): It’s not dead? Rhys: No. It’s breathing. Its eye opened. Owen notes grimly that not only is it surviving its mutilation, it’s keeping the baddies in business. Tosh: If we understood how it worked, we could feed the world. Ianto: We could release a single. Jack (testily) : Before we get ahead of ourselves, we’re talking about dodgy pies and Merthwyr, OK? And the fact that they’re cutting it up alive, which we could have put a stop to all ready if it wasn’t for you. Rhys protests that he thought Gwen was in danger. Jack: Well, Mr Caveman, she wasn’t. Rhys yells back: Well, if you’d asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showing off round the place– Jack to Ianto: Do I show off? Ianto: Just a bit. Rhys rants about how he’s now got an in and goes nose to nose with Jack: And if you can’t handle that, big boy, just stuff it! Jack: This is quite homoerotic. Gwen hustles to break up the moment.
Everybody files off for a team meeting. Rhys identifies areas on the blueprints. Gwen protests Rhys’s involvement and the squabble some more. Owen to Tosh: Oh joy, a domestic. Tosh just looks like she’d kill for somebody to have a domestic fight with. Jack finally dictates the course of action: Rhys will drive them in, they will carry stun guns only. Owen: We’ve handled bigger than this. So why don’t we just storm in, guns in the air, arrest them? Jack: These men aren’t organized criminals. If we go in there, guns blazing, they’ll kill the evidence and run. Owen: I wasn’t suggesting blazing, just waving. Gwen protests again, and Jack reminds her she can always stand down. Tosh: It might be better. I think she’s jealous of Gwen. Jack: You love him. Makes you vulnerable. Gwen and Rhys bicker some more but she’s coming along and so is he. She fires the last shot in the argument: If you mess this up, I will kill you. Tosh tries to get the meeting back on track: So after we’ve stun gunned the workers, we put the creature out of its misery. Jack: No. We’re going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the Rift to open, and foom! Send it back. Tosh: Tell me how exactly we’re going to use it to arm ourselves against the future? I cannot believe how insensitive she is. Owen: We could always hide behind it. Jack ignores Owen: Why shouldn’t we save it? Because it’s an alien? It needs our protection! Rhys: You didn’t hear its cry. Hearbreaking. Ianto: Listen to Ahab. Owen protests: Jack, it’s growing. Jack: Well, we’ll find a way to stop its mutation. We are doing this! That’s an order. Ianto gets up and leaves: I’ll stock up on plankton. Tosh and Owen leave. Gwen to Jack: So you do have a heart. Rhys freezes. Jack to Rhys: We see enough death.
Owen, alone at his workstation, has come up with an artist’s rendering of what the alien looks like. Tosh comes up behind him: Looks lovely. Owen: Hm. She goes to touch his back but stops: You’re just a big softy, really, aren’t you? Owen walks away from her and talks about finishing a report. Tosh has made him sandwiches, gross ones, pickle and cheese. He’s kind of underwhelmed but thanks her. She volunteers to keep him company, saying she’s not tired. Owen seizes on this and asks her to do the report because he’s knackered. She’s crushed, as usual, again, as always. Looking at Rhys, Owen: There’s another big lump out of his habitat. Tosh: Makes you realize maybe it is possible to do this job and have a relationship. Yeah, cuz the Gwen/Rhys one is just so healthy. Owen looks at her, scoffs, and shuts a toolbox. Tosh pursues him: Do you fancy a game of pool sometime? We’re always in here, slaving away. It might be nice to, I dunno, kick back and have some fun? Owen: Yeah, why not? Tosh pounces: When? Owen: Well, I’ll check with the others. We could have a Torchwood tournament. It’ll be fun. Tosh’s face falls so far it hits the floor. Owen thanks her for the sandwiches and leaves.
Gwen and Rhys are having a heart to heart. She tries again to dissuade him and fails again. Rhys: And I’m not leaving you here with all these sexy young men. Gwen: There’s only one from where I’m sitting. They kiss. Gwen’s eyes open and she slants a look at Jack, who is watching them.
Rhys and Jack go into the Harwood’s office. Ruth bustles up with a cup of tea and his favorite danish. Jack is impressed: I’m in the wrong job. Ruth announces that they do have vacancies. As Rhys signs out a truck, Ruth tells Jack that the licensing requires four weeks, and then he could go long distance. Jack leans into her and confidentially mentions that wouldn’t be a problem. As he walks past her to Rhys, she mouths, “Ooh!”
Rhys gets The Call and the game’s on. In the truck, Rhys: Boy, of all the women you could have chosen– Jack interrupts: She chose us. She stumbled onto us. Rhys: So did I. Don’t be asking me to join up. Jack, veeery patiently: We needed someone with police skills. Rhys: Could have chosen anyone. Did you ever think about us? Jack impatiently: No, sorry. We needed her. On her first day of work, she told me off for being clinical. They bond a bit over her stubbornness. Rhys: I’m a lucky man, Jack. Jack: Yeah, you said it. Rhys: Just wish you’d been uglier. You’re not gay, by any chance, are you?
The others load in and they’re off. At the warehouse, Rhys shows his ID at the gate and is let in. As Rhys deals with the boss, the others make a covert entrance and find the alien, still in distress. They stun the worker who is hacking up the animal. Jack is horrified by the damage.
Outside, another stooge pedals up with Ketamine. He’s concerned about the alien; the only one who is. Rhys is getting ready to depart when the head thug notices that he’s two bags of meat short. This attention to detail forces the workers to go back in. Ianto stuns one, but the other sees him and sounds the alarm. The situation goes downhill rapidly at this point. Owen is by himself in a small room, compounding something to help the alien. The baddies lock them all in.
They bring Rhys and Ianto into the main room of the warehouse. Gwen pops out and surrenders. A guard sees Jack and Tosh, so they come out as well and throw down their weapons. Tosh’s looks like a regular gun, not a stun gun, which would be in defiance of Jack’s order. Jack spills the beans about the animal being an alien and that it’s sentient, and gives them an opportunity to stop. The Cute Bad Guy refuses because for once something’s working for him. He tries to shoot Gwen, but shoots Rhys in the shoulder instead when he jumps in front of the bullet. There’s pandemonium and the alien starts to break free. The Ketamine guy says there’s no way a tranquilizer will work now. Ianto gets his hands free and beats on the bad guy, but they get away. Jack Bluetooths Owen to save them since the alien is loose and will squash them. Owen grabs a plastic jug of something and hot-foots it out. Ianto catches up to the Cute Bad Guy, stunning him in the forehead. Yay Ianto!
Owen rushes in with the jug and a harpoon-like injector thingie. He apologizes to the alien and gets in two shots of fluid from the jug. The alien is less agitated; Owen: Looks like it’s working. Jack: What did you do? Owen (sadly): Mercy killing. Jack and Tosh go over to the alien; Jack is stricken. Owen gives Rhys basic first aid before going over to the alien and apologizing. Tosh puts her hand on his shoulder, and he grips it, for once not brushing her off. The enormous eye of the alien dims as it dies.
Back at the Hub, Owen finishes patching Rhys up. Jack tells Rhys that they Retconned the Baddies, wiping out their memories of the past few months. Rhys asks about the alien, but nobody answers. Finally, Jack: Incinerated. Everybody feels bad; there’s nothing left. Jack calls Gwen away and gives her Retcon for Rhys. They get some ice cream before going home. He’s all so excited about his day and what he now knows that the bullet hole desn’t hurt a bit. He proposes keeping a secret alien scrapbook of all the ones that Gwen’s caught.
Gwen storms into Torchwood and tells Jack in front of everybody that she won’t do it. Jack: We understand how you feel. Gwen: No, you don’t. You all think it’s cold and lonely out there, but isn’t for me, because I have him. He matters, and I’ve lied to him for long enough. What he did today was so brave, braver than any of us, because we signed up for this, but he didn’t…and if that means I have to quit or you Retcon me or whatever, then fine. Jack walks up to her close: You really think you could go back to your old life before Torchwood? Gwen: I wouldn’t know anything different. Jack: I would. After a long look, he bites his lip: Give Rhys my love and I will see you tomorrow. She whirls and runs off. He blinks. Everybody looks at him; he goes into his office, where he flips on the CCTV outside the Hub. He watches Gwen and Rhys kiss and leave. He sighs and looks to be in turmoil.
A few thoughts, mostly about relationships: Eew to Tosh’s suggestion about ending world hunger. Besides being horrible, it’s also quite naive. Also about Tosh: she’s just pathetic, she’s so desperate to land Owen. If she had any ovaries, she’d ask him out and take no for an answer. She should quit stalking him. Owen has to recognize, however dimly, that she’s got a big ol’ crush on him and he ought to put her out of her misery by telling her that he’s not interested in her romantically. I fear that she’s going to wear him down and he’ll take up with her out of exhaustion. I’d like to see not everybody hooking up with others in the office. Tosh requires a certain amount of sensitivity, which Owen doesn’t have for her. I also wonder what Ianto thinks, seeing the charged interactions between Gwen and Jack. One final note: the whole animal-cruelty thing is completely repulsive. Vile. Even in CGI, the torture of the alien makes me sick. What the hell is it with this show and torture this season?
